Love is an Action: The Key to Successful Relationships
When we talk about love, many of us tend to think of it purely as a feeling. Falling in love is often seen as something that just happens to us, like a spark that ignites out of nowhere. But as anyone who’s been in a long-term relationship can tell you, maintaining and nourishing that love requires more than just a passive feeling. Love is an action. Meaning that it is a choice we make every day, and in every moment, a deliberate decision to show up for our partner and actively work to build a healthy, happy relationship.
But what does it mean to see love as an action, and why is this perspective so important? In this article, we’ll explore the role of action in successful relationships, examine common myths about love that get in the way of success, and offer practical strategies for turning love into an ongoing practice.
Myth #1: Love is All About Finding the Right Person
One of the biggest myths about love is that it’s all about finding that one perfect person who “completes” us and fulfills all our needs. We’re told that true love is effortless and that the right person will just magically appear in our lives, ready to sweep us off our feet and make us endlessly happy.
The truth, however, is that there is no such thing as a perfect person, and no relationship is completely effortless. Even the most well-matched couple will face challenges and conflicts at some point. What makes a relationship work is not just finding the right person, but actively working to build a strong, healthy connection.
Action Step: Let go of the idea that there is one “perfect” person out there for you, and focus instead on building a strong foundation with the person you’ve chosen to be with. Actively work to deepen your connection through shared experiences, open communication, and a willingness to be vulnerable with one another.
Myth #2: Love is About Always Feeling Good
Another common myth about love is that it’s supposed to feel good all the time. We’re told that if we’re truly in love, we’ll always feel happy and connected, with no unpleasant emotions or challenges to face.
But the reality is that love, like any other emotion, is complex and multifaceted. It’s normal to feel frustrated, hurt, or angry with our partner at times, and it’s essential to be able to express these feelings constructively. The true mark of a successful relationship is not that we feel good all the time, but that we’re able to navigate difficult emotions and conflicts in a supportive, respectful way.
Action Step: Take responsibility for your own emotional experience, rather than expecting your partner to “make” you happy all the time. Focus on developing strong communication skills and a willingness to work through disagreements constructively.
Myth #3: Love is Passive
Perhaps the most damaging myth of all when it comes to love is the idea that it’s a passive emotion, something that happens to us rather than something we actively participate in. We’re told that true love is effortless, and that if we’re constantly working at our relationship, then we must not be truly in love.
But the reality is that love, like any other complex emotion, requires sustained effort and attention. Over time, the initial spark that draws us to our partner will inevitably fade, and what’s left is a relationship that requires ongoing cultivation and care.
Action Step: Embrace the idea that love is a verb, an ongoing practice that requires effort and attention. Make a commitment to actively working on your relationship every day, whether that means saying “I love you,” spending quality time together, or simply making an effort to listen to your partner’s needs and concerns.
What it Means to Love as an Action
So what does it look like to love as an action, rather than a passive feeling? Here are some key traits to cultivate in order to build a successful, thriving relationship:
- Active Listening: One of the most important aspects of love as an action is the ability to truly listen to our partner. This means paying attention to both their words and their nonverbal cues, and making an effort to understand and empathize with their perspective. Active listening lays the foundation for healthy communication and can help prevent misunderstandings and conflicts down the line.
- Open Communication: Clear, honest communication is essential for any successful relationship. Learning to express yourself in a constructive, non-judgmental way, and making an effort to listen actively to your partner’s needs and concerns, can help build trust and foster a deeper connection over time.
- Willingness to Be Vulnerable: Vulnerability is an essential aspect of any loving relationship. This means being willing to share your feelings, hopes, and fears with your partner, even if it feels scary or uncomfortable at first. Cultivating vulnerability can help deepen your connection and build a foundation of trust and intimacy.
- Shared Values and Goals: While it’s okay to have differences with your partner, having shared values and goals can help anchor your relationship and provide a sense of common purpose. Take the time to talk about your long-term goals and priorities, and work together to create a shared vision for your future.
- Commitment to Growth: Finally, a willingness to grow and change together is an essential aspect of loving as an action. No relationship stays the same over time, and being able to adapt and evolve as individuals and as a couple is crucial for building a healthy, dynamic connection.
Putting Love into Practice
Now that we’ve explored the importance of loving as an action, let’s talk about some practical strategies for putting this concept into practice in your own relationship.
- Set Aside Time for Connection: In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it can be easy for our relationships to take a back seat. Make a commitment to set aside regular time for connection, whether that means a weekly date night, a daily check-in, or regular time spent doing something you both enjoy.
- Practice Active Listening: When your partner is speaking to you, make an effort to really tune in and listen. Put away distractions like phones or laptops, make eye contact, and ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their perspective.
- Express Your Love and Gratitude: Words of affirmation can make a big difference in any relationship. Take the time to express your love and appreciation for your partner regularly, whether through heartfelt gestures, written notes, or simply saying “I love you.”
- Learn Your Partner’s Love Language: Everyone has their own unique way of giving and receiving love. Take the time to learn your partner’s love language, or the way they prefer to receive love and affection. This could mean physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, or receiving gifts.
- Practice Forgiveness: It’s normal for conflicts to arise in any relationship, but learning to forgive and move forward is key for building a lasting connection. Make a commitment to let go of grudges and past hurts, and work together to find constructive solutions to conflicts as they arise.
- Cultivate Shared Experiences: Finally, spending time together doing things you both enjoy can help create a sense of shared history and strengthen your bond. Whether it’s traveling, trying new hobbies, or simply exploring your local community, seek out opportunities to create new memories together.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, building a successful relationship requires more than just passive feelings or a perfect match; it requires an ongoing commitment to love as an action. By actively listening, communicating openly, and cultivating vulnerability, shared goals, and a commitment to growth, you can build a relationship that thrives over time. Remember that love is a practice, one that requires sustained effort and attention, but the rewards of a deep, loving connection are more than worth it.
So take the time to show up for your partner today and every day, and embrace the power of love as an action to transform your relationship from merely good to truly great.