Love is a Choice, Not a Feeling: Why It Matters for Your Relationship

Love is a powerful emotion that most, if not all, people crave and desire to experience in their lives. It’s the feeling that you get when you look at your partner and your heart flutters, or when you hear their voice and your face lights up. It’s the desire to always be near them and to do anything for them. However, while these feelings are an integral part of love, they are just the surface level of what it truly means to love someone.

In reality, love is not just a feeling but a choice. It is a decision that you make every day to respect, prioritize, and support your partner, even in the midst of challenging circumstances. This is an essential lesson to learn, especially in a long-term relationship or marriage, where frequently the initial passion and excitement may fade away, leaving that deep-rooted love to take center stage.

In this article, we’ll explore why love is a choice, not just a feeling, and how this understanding can help you deepen your relationship and help to ensure its success.

The Problem with the “Feeling” of Love

When we think of love, what often comes to mind is an intense, emotional experience: the butterflies, the heart racing, and the all-consuming attraction. Unfortunately, these feelings can be fleeting and may not provide the foundation required for a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship.

Real love, in essence, is based on compatibility, trust, mutual respect, and shared values. These deeper aspects of the relationship require work and effort, and they aren’t always accompanied by comfortable, easy emotions.

In the early days of a relationship, you might feel euphoric, exuberant emotions that might make you think that you’ve discovered the one individual in the world who could make you happy forever, but over time, that excitement will die down. At this point, many people wrongly assume that their love has faded away, that they’re no longer compatible or that they’ve lost interest in their partner. In reality, what we are really experiencing is the end of the superficial honeymoon stage of the relationship and the beginning of the hard work that comes with true love.

Certainly, needing to cultivate love may not be the fairy tale story we’ve all been promised, but it is what makes love maintainable and what makes it resilient. This article aims to explain why implementing specific strategies to prioritize love in your relationship is key to help it flourish.

The Case for Love as a Choice, Not a Feeling

Love should not be mistaken for an only emotional passion that exists primarily in the beginning of a relationship. As the relationship grows and develops over time, it becomes essential to take on a concerted effort to make a conscious choice to love your partner. The benefits of this approach are immense and add a profound level of meaning to your life together.

1. It’s Empowering

When you see love as a choice, you’re also acknowledging that you’re in control of your feelings and that they’re not controlling you. This is an enormously important realization. Nobody can control when they feel this emotion of love, but by viewing it as a choice that you can put into action, you’re in charge of how you show up for your partner and what you contribute to the relationship.

If you are able to embrace this perspective, it means that you’re not a passive victim of your emotions – you’re an active creator of them. You take ownership of your relationship and your feelings, and that feels undoubtedly empowering.

2. It’s Long-Lasting

Feelings come and go, but a conscious decision to love can last a lifetime. When you and your partner regard love as a choice, it means that you will be more likely to commit to the hard work and efforts that real love requires. Your relationship will be enriched by the trust, mutual respect, and shared values that are inherent to this deep, abiding love.

When you view love as a decision you make daily, you’re more likely to take the necessary steps to develop and maintain that love, including active communicating and cultivating shared activities that rekindle that feeling. By investing the time it takes to choose to love one another daily, you and your partner can co-create a relationship that gets more rewarding and meaningful as time progresses.

3. It’s an Anchor in Times of Challenges

When you make love a choice, you are better prepared to navigate relationship rough patches or any other setback effectively. In an ideal scenario, love acts as a shield that protects you in difficult times and serves as a guiding navigation system for you and your partner.

With a foundation as the voice of Love as a choice, you’re in a better position to navigate and overcome common issues that plague relationships such as disagreements over household roles, financial issues, and lifestyle differences.

It’s also noteworthy that people make mistakes even in the most committed relationships. In case a partner cheats, lies, or takes another action that hurts the relationship, it’s important to note that the choice for love can act as a compass in guiding you to make appropriate decisions about how to handle the situation. You may choose to forgive, end the relationship, or any other choice that aligns with your personal needs, but understanding that love is a choice allows you to approach the conversation from a stronger, more unified place together.

4. It’s More Than Just the Feeling

When we consider love only as an emotion, we limit the true potential of the relationship. Romance and passions that involve sex, chemistry, and affectionate feelings, while necessary, are only a part of a bigger, more profound picture of what real love represents.

When you treat love as a choice, you discover deep new facets of the relationship that revolve around respect, care, and active partnership daily. You treat each other as equals, make time for each other, and prioritize each other’s interests.

Choosing love means supporting and encouraging one another’s personal growth, developing shared interests, and sharing responsibilities and considerations. For instance, making dinner for your partner or offering assistance with a work project when they feel overwhelmed demonstrates that you’ve made their needs and wants a priority.

Conclusion

In conclusion, while love initially presents itself as an intense emotion, it needs to be viewed as a choice if the relationship is to grow, flourish and withstand the test of time. Still, by being deliberate about making an effort to cultivate this strong relational bond, and viewing it as an intentional choice, we can become empowered and embrace a deeper, more fulfilling level of love.

It’s never too late to start making the conscious decision to love your partner in a meaningful, productive way. Through commitment, dedication, and effort, you can develop and maintain relationships that offer joy, happiness and ensure the love lasts forever. So start today and choose to create the most profound, deeply rewarding relationship you both so desire.