Discovering My Authentic Self

Authenticity is about finding and expressing who you truly are without fear of being judged, rejected, or misunderstood. It’s a journey of self-discovery that involves exploring your beliefs, values, personality, strengths, weaknesses, passions, and purpose. Being authentic requires courage, vulnerability, and self-awareness. In this article, we’ll explore the process of discovering your authentic self, the benefits of authenticity, and the challenges you may encounter along the way.

The process of discovering your authentic self

Step 1: Self-awareness

The first step towards authenticity is self-awareness. This means acknowledging and accepting your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without judgment or criticism. It’s about understanding your personality, temperament, and tendencies. Self-awareness also involves exploring your past experiences, traumas, and conditioning that may have shaped your beliefs, values, and fears.

Self-awareness can be cultivated through various practices such as mindfulness meditation, journaling, therapy, or coaching. These practices help you to observe your thoughts, emotions, and sensations in a non-judgmental and curious way. They also help you to identify your triggers, patterns, and blind spots.

Step 2: Values and beliefs

The second step towards authenticity is clarifying your values and beliefs. Values are the principles that guide your decisions and actions. They reflect what you care about the most and what gives your life meaning and purpose. Examples of values are honesty, kindness, courage, creativity, spirituality, family, health, learning, and freedom. When you live according to your values, you feel fulfilled, aligned, and empowered.

Beliefs are the assumptions and interpretations you make about reality. They shape your perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors. Beliefs can be empowering or limiting depending on whether they serve you or hinder you. Examples of limiting beliefs are “I’m not good enough”, “Money is evil”, “I can’t trust people”, “I’ll never find love”. These beliefs create self-doubt, fear, and self-sabotage.

To discover your values and beliefs, ask yourself:

• What do I stand for?
• What do I want my life to be about?
• What do I believe about myself, others, and the world?
• What are my strengths and weaknesses?
• What challenges and opportunities do I face?

Step 3: Boundaries and authenticity

The third step towards authenticity is setting healthy boundaries. Boundaries are the rules and limits you establish to protect your well-being and values. They define what is acceptable and unacceptable to you in terms of your relationships, work, and personal life. Boundaries help you to respect yourself and others, to avoid conflicts and resentments, and to honor your needs and preferences.

To set boundaries, ask yourself:

• What behaviors and actions do I find unacceptable from others?
• What behaviors and actions do I find unacceptable from myself?
• What are my non-negotiable values and principles?
• How can I express my boundaries assertively and respectfully?

Setting boundaries requires courage and assertiveness. You may encounter resistance, pushback, or guilt from others who are used to violating your boundaries. However, setting boundaries is crucial for authenticity because it allows you to be true to yourself and to live according to your values.

Step 4: Authentic expression

The fourth step towards authenticity is expressing your true self. Authentic expression means being honest, vulnerable, and genuine in your communication and behavior. It means saying what you mean, asking for what you want, and expressing your emotions and opinions in a respectful and assertive way. Authentic expression also means being open to feedback, learning, and growth.

To express yourself authentically, ask yourself:

• What needs and feelings am I experiencing right now?
• How can I express myself in a way that is respectful and clear?
• What are my intentions and goals in this interaction?

Authentic expression is not about being aggressive, defensive, or insensitive. It’s about being empathic, compassionate, and respectful. It’s about creating a safe and honest environment where both you and the other person can be true to yourselves.

The benefits of authenticity

Being authentic has numerous benefits for your personal and professional life. Here are some of them:

• Self-acceptance: Authenticity helps you to accept and appreciate yourself as you are, without trying to be someone else or pretending to be perfect. This leads to greater self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love.
• Connection: Authenticity allows you to connect with others on a deeper level, by sharing your true self and understanding theirs. This leads to more meaningful and fulfilling relationships.
• Creativity: Authenticity unleashes your creativity and inspiration, by tapping into your unique gifts, talents, and perspectives. This leads to more innovative and fulfilling work or hobbies.
• Resilience: Authenticity strengthens your resilience, by helping you to cope with challenges, failures, and setbacks in a constructive way, instead of denying or avoiding them. This leads to greater emotional intelligence, adaptability, and growth mindset.
• Purpose: Authenticity helps you to find and pursue your purpose in life, by aligning your values, strengths, and passions with your actions. This leads to greater fulfillment, success, and contribution to the world.

The challenges of authenticity

Although authenticity has numerous benefits, it also has some challenges that may hinder your progress. Here are some of them:

• Fear of rejection: Authenticity requires vulnerability, which can trigger the fear of being rejected, abandoned, or criticized. This fear may lead you to hide or conform to others’ expectations, instead of expressing your true self.
• Social pressure: Authenticity may clash with social norms, expectations, or traditions, which may lead you to feel misunderstood, marginalized, or excluded. This pressure may make you question your values, beliefs, or identity.
• Self-doubt: Authenticity may require you to challenge your limiting beliefs, which may lead you to face self-doubt, insecurity, or imposter syndrome. This doubt may make you question your abilities, worth, or adequacy.
• Shame: Authenticity may require you to face your shame, which may be related to past traumas, mistakes, or failures. This shame may make you feel unworthy, unlovable, or inadequate.
• Guilt: Authenticity may require you to face your guilt, which may be related to violating your boundaries, values, or integrity. This guilt may make you feel responsible, remorseful, or regretful.

Overcoming these challenges requires courage, self-compassion, and support. It also requires a growth mindset, which sees challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, not as threats or failures.

Conclusion

Authenticity is a journey of self-discovery that requires courage, vulnerability, and self-awareness. It involves exploring your values, beliefs, personality, strengths, weaknesses, passions, and purpose. Being authentic has numerous benefits for your personal and professional life, such as self-acceptance, connection, creativity, resilience, and purpose. However, authenticity also has some challenges that may hinder your progress, such as fear of rejection, social pressure, self-doubt, shame, and guilt. Overcoming these challenges requires courage, self-compassion, and support. It also requires a growth mindset, which sees challenges as opportunities for learning and growth.

Reference:

Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing.